WAYWARD LIFESTYLE VOL.2

".......Just got back from a show and I'm here tired as hell. I smell like smoke and alchohol; kinda drunk. "I think better when I'm not sober"...so let me talk my shit again and share my honest thoughts... But damn in the past three months the way God has blessed me has been wonderful. From meeting the girl of my dreams,my friends are doing well for themselves,dropping freestyles people fuck with,getting attention from an international record label iv always wanted to work with, to shooting my own video,having my own clothing line..now clothing lines come around to give me free clothes to wear..sigh it seems like I'm blowing my own trumpet yeah?

Maybe I am. But then we all have blessings; we might not just see them. It took me 19 years of life to see my blessings..but then I feel like we are all blessed in our different ways. I don't give a fuck if you judge me..and I know a number of people out there can relate to this...but I love God with all my heart. I wish I could serve God in a better way..sometimes I wish do better than I'm doing right now. I wish I could go to church all the time,always pay my tithe,dance in church,listen to whatever the preacher says,obey all God says we should do,always give thanks....


I feel bad every now and then..and it amazes me on how God still finds it in his heart to look past all these things I do and still bless me. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I don't even say thank you to God for keeping me safe but well he still keeps me safe throughout that day...that's grace. ‎​ 

People that are righteous and upright die everyday but then I'm still alive and well but I still don't give enough thanks to God. I feel like my little prayers every now and then are not even enough. Sometimes I go to church and try to listen to whatever the preacher says but my damn mind just flies away and I'm lost in my fantasies and dreams. I tell myself I want to go to church every Sunday, but sometimes standing up from my bed on a sunday morning is soo hard. Ironically its always easy for me to stand up when I have a girl coming over or when I have a show or a party to perform at..but its hard to stand up and go to church..sigh!!. I wonder how God feels when I act like that. I could spend thousands in the club or spending thousands shopping and paying my tithe of just 10percent is just soo hard. 


I want to change but then its always hard...I know I try hard...this just reminds me of what Naeto-C said in his song "voodoo".. "When you doing bad you remember you have a Bible"....when I hit rock bottom I never fail to remember God and say some serious problems; but damn when I get out of it, I reduce the way I pray and I attach less importance to prayers. God must really love me to allow me go scot free with all this.


‎​I don't mind going to the club all night or staying up to watch Bet awards but staying up in a vigil is hella hard for me...sigh! I won't be surprised if God stops being patient with me and decides to pay attention to more religious people. I'll understand but guess what? God won't give up on me...he's always going to be there and He's going to open his arms to me whenever I run to him; even though I'm such a wayward child, God is always there for me. I don't know what you think but I know I love God and someday I'll become a better person......until then......."


-THE OFFICIAL TRICK